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FAV STUFF ME MYSELF & I
WaNNa KNoW BouT Me.....
NaMe: LauReN
AGe: Legal
SeCKS: GuRLie
EYe CoLoR: Poopy BRoWN LoL
HaiR CoLoR: Black, Going Back 2 Blondie Soon ::Wink::
MaRiTaL STaTiS: Looking...
STaTe: SaYViLLe, NeW YoRK
JoB: BaBYSiTTiN-Job Hunting Once I Get A Car
FaV'S
CaR: VoLKSWaGoN BuG
DRiNK: Cherry Coke
CoLoR: BLaCK, SiLVeR & BLuE
SoNg: "LiFe" OLP, "No RaiN" BLiND MeLLoN, "BRoWN EYeD GiRL" VaN MoRRiSoN,
BaND: OLP, All American Rejects, NFG, Blink, Midtown, Dashboard Confessional, ETC
Favorite TV Show: "FRIENDS", "Sorority Life", "Everwood"
Favorite Movie: "Now and Then", "The Wedding Singer", "American Beauty", "Dirty Dancing", "CoYoTe UGLY", N' "White Oleander"
Favorite Music: Oldies, but still goodies B103 FOREVER!! Rock/Punkish, Emo Is Fun
Favorite Book: "White Oleander"
Favorite Food: Pizza N' Bagels
People I Most Admire: My Mom, N...JP
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These are my own creations!! So leave them be!!!
12/29/01
For Meg
"You know when you've found a friend of a life time, you can feel it in every laugh, smile and tear" ~Lauren~
12/27/01
"Someone lets you down in such a way that you can't even explain, all you know is that they hurt you....." ~Lauren Coppola~
"Everyone feels like they are weak but only cause we were brought up to look at peps opions and take them to heart" ~Liz~
JOURNAL TIME!!
2003 march 23rd
a lil past 10 30...
Adding A Link 2 My Live Journal, Def Check It Out
~I'm So Sick Of Living~
04-10-03
Yea, i dunno what's wrong, but i feel so sad. I sem to do everything wrong and just when i think something might be going right i get pushed back and i fall, and i fall hard. It sucks...i'm so lonely.
This whole wanting a b/f deal won't even help one bit and i've come to realize this. Why you may ask? Because i'm an insecure bitch and even if i have a b/f i won't believe they actually care and i'll think that they are doing stupid shit when i'm not lookin. God can i be nemore pathetic
Yeah, i failed my road test, and it's not like i think it's a big deal or nething, but i feel like a real ertard actually. I didn't even try to do well, i never try at nething nemore. I did awful this quater at school and i could care less bout things i used to love. Maybe it's because i'm a senior and no one really gives a shit....or maybe it's deeper than that. I dunno.
God i need to stop doing stupid shit. I'm just bringing myself down further. Aren't i supposed to be the fun, loud and exciting gurl that everyone loves? well the truth comes down to this. I put myself out there for people, try and make them feel better about themselves and sometimes i succeed and sometiems i fail...and i never feel good about neither of it becaus ei forget what's good for me. I give up on me. Everyone should, i'm a lost cause. I am loud, extremely loud, but when i'm all mellowed out it sux and nothing is fun. People are boring. I bet i'll hear bout this later. Lets hope everyone just realizes that i feel alone. Yea yea yea, i know i'm not 'alone' and i know u 'know how i feel' but u know what, it doesn't change nething, it doesn't make me feel better, it only rips at me a lil bit more each time.
I'm about to break out, flip a shit, i hate these attacks. I'm just trying to breath haha, am i pathetic or what. On a brighter note, if that's possible, i'm getting my nosed pierced tomorrow. Honesty, i hope it hurts liek a fucking bitch and i cry out in pain...becaus ei deserve it.
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~*~Is It Over Yet?~*~ |
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| 06:20pm 20/03/2003 |
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This week is goin by sooo slow, maybe cause i've been doing so much. Hanin out after school everyday with people, babysittin, etc. People piss me off, i miss people, i mean i hang out with them, but i miss them, is that possible? I hate how people change, nothin ever stays the same for that long...grrr
So this weeks been busy, monday i, well, i forget what i did monday, ohhh wait, i went out with jo n jp, we drove around and such, twas fun...tuesday...hmmm...i babysat, then went to subway n then off to KIC with jo katie nic and afterwards we picked up jp n justin n drove around and went to the beach and played on the playground...people were parked in cars there, mad secks at the beach! Wednesday (yesterday) i went to the mall after babysittin, with jo steve linz n jp, it was alright and then i came home n watched Dawson's Creek, it was the first episode. Omg I remember watching that back in 7th grade, long ass time ago, funny how things change, blahh...i cried haha, i know, i know-i'm a dork lol.
So we're 'offically' at war. I'm still confused by it all, and i wish war wasn't the answer, but...there's nothing really i can do about it. I'm not about to go over there n fight for my country, no offense, but i'd just die haha.
Tuesday i got really pissed at Tom, he can be a real asshole sometimes. Maybe i'm thinkin too much into it, but it's not right, i mean, he won't come home to see me on my birthday, which wasnt a big deal, but he'sll come home ON MY BIRTHDAY to take this chick to a rangers game...n then have the nerve to say that i can 'tag along' i mean come on now, is it just me or is that not right. You think you're friends with someone and then you realize that maybe you aren't as good friends as you thought. I thought i could tell him nething, but then i realize that he never has nething to say to what i tell him. He makes me feel liek crap abotu things i do cause he 'doesn't agree' with them, i dunno, it just really makes me think if i should bother nemore.
So no boys yet, lol. I dunno, i'm not really lookin i guess, too much hassal i guess. I mean, why bother searchin for something i really dunno if i want. Love? what's love newayz haha.
'Spring fling' was today, haha, it was really stupid and i played volley ball the whole time. Haha but i got a kick outta every time someone fell down, omg was that funny hahahaha. I wish i liked my senior class, but, yea, i just don't, but whatever it's not like i'll erally see ne of them (hopefully) after i leave. I feel as if i didn't get everything i wanted out of high school. The grades, sports, clubs, bonding with people, haha, i know i'm a loser, but really, it makes me sad, and i keep thinkin for everything i am or did miss out one and it makes me really depressed. I thought i was a positive person, but maybe i'm just loud and annoying instead.
I always end journal more depressed than happy, what's wrongggg with meeeeee
Don't Forget To Breathe
Till next time... |
2002-07-19 - 6:15 p.m.
random random very random day....today was alright, tonite will hopefully be better....if it doesn't fuckin rain grrrrr.....well today i babysat and then me and meg walked into town and met up with this kool dude chris :) it was so freakin hot and shit...then jo and mike found us and we walked around and just hung out for a bit....then we passed ryan randomly and mike wants to like shoot him down cause we think him and luke stole his bike-not kool at all, so yeah, that was random....lets see oh and then after awhile around 5ish me and meg an mike and chris and jo all split and started walkin home....then sum person, i forget his name, but j/ this lil asshole decided to pass by and yell, "YOU'RE FUCKIN UGLY" to me, yeah well he'll never look over the age of 12 neways haha random....then i walk home, sweatin like a nasty dog and find that my sister did bring home a cat, named bonnie...i miss my mitts :( well bonnie is cute and stuff so it's all good.....more stuff happened today, but miost of which i'd like to not mention or whatever and i must go now cause i'm having peopel over tonite to go in my pool, hopefully it's alrgiht with my mom and hopefully i pray that it won't rain or thunder or lighten out.....cause yeah.....that would suck haha, tootles for now loserzzzzz ~lau~
2002-07-16 - 10:41 p.m.
alright i haven't written in here forever and i thought i'd write all evil stuff so i put a block on it from everyone who would know me and shit....but i'm unblockin it so the peopel who get bored starring at their computer with nothing to do can look through my journal and read my entries and be like 'hey this person is insane i feel better bout myself now' haha well summer is fianlly ehre and yes it's been going alright....i guess.....i mostly have been workin hanging out w/ mike, jo, jay, nic, lins, meg, n' ali and soon meg from nj!! YAY!!! i can honestly say that to a point i'm mostly only happy when i'm with my friends...it's liek i can be who i wanna be and j/ let go nad have fun....everything at home is still all messed up and it's getting to the point that i'm starting to j/ not be here too much nemore....and when i'm home everyone else is gone and at work...so i j/ clean and mike comes over and we make breakfast and then i go to work....damn workin everyday this week...fun fun fun....but at least i'm makin money, whichj is a major plus....i'm openin up a new bank account and takin out the money that's in my dad's....funny how after a person leaves ur life and shit, ya j/ don't trust them nemore....it's sad....i don't even wanna talk to my own father nemore...but enough of that....today has been a pretty good day all in all...i woke up an hour late to meet up w/ miek and make breakfast at his house, but that's alright, he knows how i am...damn hat snooze button is j/ too close to the alarm off one on my clock radio haha....so yeah after i hung out w/ mike i went over nic's and we went on a secret mission, no mike we aren't lesbians haha, and then we went to burger king, our last fast food meal for awhile...i dunno ho wi will last, wow i'm a fat fucker haha....always good, so yeah then i went to work...babysitting is a lotta fun and all, but sometimes it gets me upset, liek when the baby cries and won't stop and shit...thankgod none of that happened today. well today i got there and billy the 3 year old had told his mom that he stuck a piece of beach glass up his nose...she got all worried lol, it was interestin...i told her my story bout when i was 3 and stuck a piece of hard pastic up my nose and then sneezed it out at the hospital...haha always good ;p well yeah so i put on a million different tapes and we sung and dance, and, well if you peopel were to watch me, i'm pretty interest...this kid is really great tho...then matthew, the 9 month old woke up finally and was screamin his head off so i changed him, yummy, and gave him a bottle and he was good to go. :) he crawls now and omg it's sooo adorable...being a babysitter is great...not only to do have an affect on kids lives, but u watch them grow and it makes u apperciate life more in odd ways....i dunno how to explain it, but it's j/...great....so yeah that was 3 hours of my day and same for tomorrow haha.......well after babysitting i went to work to get mike cause he was workin at cornipoopy cause jay gets to be all lucky and be in florida! YOU SUCK!!! but yeah so he ad liek the roughist day , now he knows how hard it really is, but he did good :) then we got carvel, yeah i'm fat haha, it was funny cause marks and rocco and omg lins ur love john was in their and nick was flippin out over some chick outside sayin how hot she is, mike looked at her and went, 'big butt' haha it was interesting...eyah so then we walk to his house and played chinese checkers hehe ::wink:: and then later jo and nic came over and we hung out order chinese *me fat* and talked and it was great. meg didn't show! what's up with that! ~lauren 'so yeah come over whenever' ~meg 'i'll be right there' ~2 hours later...where's meggg.....~ but that's alright, okay enough for this entry more later :)
p.s i can't wait to get bonnie!!!! hehe...mitts is always #1 in my heart tho :(
2002-05-26 - 9:22 p.m.
i never asked for ne of this fucking shit given to me. stop fucking telling me i'm annoying, stop looking at my like i'm crazy. you people think you know everything, well u know what the sky ain't always blue and the grass ain't always greener on the other side......what the fuck i hate the world and shit....please let me not wake up tomorrow....please....
2002-05-19 - 9:05 p.m.
The pain is hidden...
So deeply within my soul.
The tears, they hide...
Underneath it all.
I will not cry...
They will not see...
All this trama...
Is killing me.
2002-05-16 - 10:02 p.m.
haylo all i'm in a very blah mood right now. like pissed off, sad, heart ache. i'm pissed off cause certain peopel have been getting on my nerves a lot lately, they will remain nameless however and i'm sad cause i lost a lot this year....liek everything i've known in my life....my family, my b/f, a lot of friends. tina doesn't even acknowledge my existance, i guess 12 years means nothing to her....she j/ seems liek a snotty know it all bitch now, it makes no sense how can someone sit there and knwo that ur father left and say NOTHING wtf...when her grandma was in the hospital i at least sent my love and was like 'i hope she gets better' argh memories suck, why am i thinking bout all of this now... GRRR and then there's ryan!! omg i can talk for hours on this and just ramble on about how i feel so cheated in life....liek a year of my life which could have been so good was just ruined, and it's all my fault....cause i could have stopped all this crap a lonnngg time ago. i guess that's what *love* will do to a person, well if that's what love does than i don't ever wanna love someone ever again....damn am i complaining enough here hahaha dammit i hate this keyboard!! alright and lets move on, there's still the mike situation in hand....dammit i don't even know how i feel nemore i'm liek stuck i j/ want summer to come and me to go to nj-cause my mom sure as hell won't let me go to north carolina with kerry berry grrr.....well i've been just soo happy in this entry haha....soemtimes i feel soo hurt from peopel's comments...yeah i'm takin a new direction now...it's hard to explain....it's liek people think that they know ALL tehre is to know botu you...but you aren't me...i'm not afraid to act liek a complete idiot, but i mean come on people at least i have the balls to do so, u hide behind ur god damn shallow thoughts and ideas and ways of life. get over urself and see what the word truely is. i mean i dunno everything and i'm nto even close to perfect, but i can at least look in th mirror knwoing i'm a good person....cause u know what i am. all in all i am..i might look down on myself and i might not be the greatest person to be around 24/7....but u knwo what all in all i'm a descent person who sincerly cares abotu other people...blahhh trust, an issue i could talk botu forever. i don't udenrstand how a certain boy i know can lie to me for so long and then expect me to trust a word he says....i'm not stupid hun....i feel liek i don't even know neone nemore, i mean it's hormones and teenage stinkin life, but it hurts and i wish i could cry...but i can't cry nemore. it's really really funny...yesterday nite all i wanted to do was cry cause i feel all torn up in the inside...and i couldn't, i haven't in a while....strange cause i cry a lot....i guess i realized that peopel have it a lot worse then i do, and if i j/ deal w/ the shit handed to me, i can't turn it into works of art (hahah can ya picture that) alright i'm getting in a better mood now and stuff so i'll go back online and chat with my buds-thanks for reading my ramblingness haha luv yaz
2002-05-12 - 5:02 p.m.
haylo all and happy mother's day ;p well notmuch is going on here, i'm just chillin at my aunts house and i'm stuffffeddddd ahhh....this weekend has been interesting and a lotta fun. alright i have major bruises on my knees and legs from friday nite at the rinks...omg....haha so yes i did fall-a total of 3 times, but one time it was james's fault completely cause i fell over him once he fell. haha it's really funny tho cause me ker and james ended up spending more time in the car and driving then actually skating, b/c james would think he's going east, but it would actually be west and he'd always be like 'yeah i know where i'm going' but then we'd up in heckture park...not once, but twice hahaha, all in all it was an interesting nite ;p i didn't get home till 12 and mommy was a lil ahh bout that, but once i showed her how i fell down and everything she wasn't as upset haha....then yesterday, saturday, me jay mike and meg all met at mike's house and walked to town....we got sum grub and then walked to the beach, which was kool cause it's all pretty at the beach and it was a beautiful day out yesterday :) haha i then got the idea to pretend and scare jay and meg by making it seem liek we were gonna push them into the water, my plan backfired tho cause i accidently did push jay in :( i sorry bout that still jay, she got mad :( well what else alright and then we went to jay's house and watched hey arnold cause that show rocks haha. mike fell asleep so of course i jumped on him to wake him up lol. we all ate sum pizza and waited for liek 2 hours for ron to show up so we could walk back to mike's and watch a movie or do whatever. we went to genivese or however u spell it first so all of us could get cards and gifts for mother's day and i found a lil cute angel that said 'everyone needs an angel' and i decided to get my mom that. she liked it :) alright then we went tostrbucks and got drinks and then walked back to mike's house and got comfty on his couches and what not. we watched the fighting scenes of 'whoam i' a really bad movie, but kinda funny cause the acting sucked haha. then we put on shrek. i never saw it before-it was cute. jay and ron left around i guess 11 and me and meg and mike hung out until 12ish when i got tired and called to see if my mom was home yet, but instead i had my bro pick me up. it's all good. so both nites i've had absolutely no sleep and got home late and grr i'm tired and at my aunts right now blah.....well this is all for now-check ya lata you titty lickers and monkey eaterssss byebyeeeezzzz
2002-05-10 - 3:23 p.m.
dammit i j/ accidently deleted the entry i j/ started GRRR.. well i'll j/ repeat myself then...not that u'd know i'd be repeating myself, alright so yeah newayz WEEKEND's HERE!! woohoooo, and i'm going ICE SKATIN toniet, which should be interesting.... lol...i'll be holdin onto ker and james so hard and i swear if i fall they are going down with me!!! haha today was an interesting day, i'm gonan kill ryan for massaging my boob in the hallway when i hugged him right after he grabbed em really really hard....and chem sucked today-dammit i hate test and labs they SUCK MY LEFT TITTATTIO!! now i'm gonan head off to the wiz and return this stupid web cam that doesn't work and i wanna try and buy SLC punks and bridget jones diary-woohoo!! dammit now i have to wait till my dad finishes mowing the lawn grrr.....alright so i'll get back to chatting w/ peopel on line-lataz lozzzaaaaasssss haha
2002-05-09 - 3:50 p.m.
haylo all :) today was a blah day. james just left and that was kool that he came over. it's funny.....boyz that is....i won't go ne further cause i know the people who'll read this haha. well i dunno what i'm thinkin too much lately.....it's weird, have you ever been lonely, but not want what u had, u want something else.....liek to find someone to love and to love you, but to have it be completely different...well i guess no one wants their relationships to all be exactly the same....whoa this journal is pointless and here is a pointless poem....
thought you could hide
all those lies
from me?
how much
you have been
so decieved...
how will
you know
who's playin
who
in the end
though
it's me playin you....
hmmm.....
2002-05-08 - 9:36 p.m.
Haylo all-first entry and i have no idea what to write....today was a pretty good day. Weird in some aspects. Well i got up and went to school and art is better now that me and ryan are on speaking terms i guess. hey it's all good. lets see...nothing interesting really happened today. i went home before 9th b/c i hadda babysit woooohooooo. lol the kids are great tho. dammit!! i made this stupid jounrla so i could write shit in it. alright now i'll j/ ramble on abotu life and nothing of ne interest to those unless you actualy know me. i'm getting happier!! being single isn't too bad, and i dunno it's kinda fun. ryan's lil bro and sis are still begging me to go back out with him, i find that amusing(and no ryan not in a bad way) alright well lets see, mike's eyes look really really blue when he wears blue shirts haha and i've been goign INSANE lately. and no nicole and mike i haven't been taking ne stackers to ur suprise. I'm not really happy and like calm in the way my life is going. since my parents are most likely getting a divorce....my sister's been telling me we might have to move....kinda weird thought since i don't ever rememebr really moving, cause well i was 3 at the time we moved here from deer park. i do however remember walking into the house for the very first time....my nani and poppy were sitting on the couch facing the door and we came in and thy gave us a hug and kiss and that's when i thought to myself, whoa this is my new house, okay so maybe not exactly those words, i mean come on i was 3. so yeah a move would be a really different change.....but i've been going through a lot of that lately....a lil too much if you ask me.....hmm lets see.....this might sound a lil funny but today when i was walking home from the bus stop i looked around me and thought to myself..."it's beautiful here" do you ever stop and just look around you and see what a great place we live in....how much we take for granted, all the lil thibngs we'd miss if we didn't have them. such as trees and grass and flowers, all the purty stuff lolol.. well i should get back to my convo's online, i'm sure you all are jumping for joy to read my next entry....i'll write it a.s.a.p ;p lots of <3 alwayz ~laulau~
3/11/02
Yeah so it's been a mad long time since i last wrote in my journal....it's funny cause i guess i'm so lazy i mean i'm always on the computer for hours everyday etc...well life sux kinda, but hey there are always gonna be sucky times, it's all in how you take it, and well i haven't been taking mine so well. i think my awakening was actually a book i'm reading in my youth leadship class, it's really opened up my eyes in making me a better person, weird huh. lol, now you might be thinking 'lau you're gay' but hey i'm the one who'll be happier in the end lol. it's called the 7 habits to highly effective teens and i highly recommend it for all you stressed out so-called unhappy teens who think the world is out to get them, it'll make you wake outta you strange perception of how you see everything. it'll give it as you say 'new glasses' haha, you'll have to read it to know what i mean.....well lately things have been kinda down on me....but i guess what i have to do is not exactly forget the past but to at least move the hell on haha. see i need to forget the fact ryan kissed another chick, forget the fact that my family fell apart, but instead to move on, you know? friends are somethign i need throughout this time, but i can't base all my happiness and my world around stuff like having a b/f, friends, what my parents think and just acedemics. i need to base my life around my principles and then i will be me and be happy. because when you can't get joy outta the one thing you base your life around, you seem to think your life has fallin apart. for instince i used to base my happiness on my ex b/f, b/f at the time, alright if he said one thing or didn't like kiss me good bye i was like ruined, my day me life haha-it's funny now that i think back b/c i can see why our relationship fell apart. a mistake on both our parts. and now i'm stuck with myself tryign to get over everything and at first feeling liek half of me was missing without him and then realizing i just haven't tapped into the other half of me in a while, my happiness that is. now don't get my wrong i am a happy person, but the littest things get to me and i get too over emotional. you know what a bad memory is the key to happiness haha. i hold onto the past and never forget anything and it truely sucks and well....yeah lol. so this journal entry is pretty long and blah, but hey i don't wanna start my english essay or study for math (which i'm doign soooo bad in hahah) so i shall keep going. today i hung out with ry before work, he walked me and then we just sat down and cuddled and i ate my turkey sandwich and it was nice, made me happy. argh but i still picture him kissing that damn gurl!! see what i mean a bad memory would really help me out, lol, i need to get over stufffff. i wish i trust peopel more and i wish peopel were more open and honest with me, haha i must be the most honest person i know, and well open hahaha...tellign everyone abotu my ass and how it hurts and how i might have hemroids, what the hell is wrong with me haha, i think i'm a lil too open. haha i dunno anymore, well yeah so i might as well go back to chatting and working, hopefully i'll get everythign done, pass my math test friday, write a really good thematic in social studies tomorrow and dammit i have a vocab test tomorrow too!! what the hell i needa write an essay still too grrr and i guess i'm gonan miss seventh heaven-the sho wis getting a lil to insane anyways haha, well adios all, much love and please say a prayer tonite for all those families and friends who lost their loved ones exactly six months ago today.....and be thankful for everythign you have, seriously-love ya all!! ~laulau~
2/22/02
well right now i'm babysitting billy and baby matthew-they're really good kids. matthew is starring at me while billy watches 'there goes a rescue velichle' lolol hopefully matthew will go to sleep soon, he was cranky last time i was here. he spit up on me :( today was the first day that i had to change a poopy diaper :( but it's all good, not too bad,well i think i'll go join billy now and wach some 'there goes a rescue velichle lolol' adiosoossosoosso
2/20/02
so umm yeah i'm feelin a lil down right now, god i suck big time(no pun intended)but uhh yeah i need to get over stuff and quck before i drive myself insane, i added more poems, they're short but to the point, go check em out adiosos
2/17/02
SCOTT FROM CORNIPOOPY HAS A VERY SMELL PENIS AND WOULD LIEK EVERYONE TO KNOW THIS :)
2/16/02
After awhile crying doesn't seem like something worth doing.....
2/12/02
Todday has been a pretty good day all in all. i'm starting to get used to the fact that i no longer can smooch w/ ryry-fyi, we broke up sunday nite, but r still great friends....i know i'll always love him, sure i'm 16 n all....but when u know something, u j/ know lolol...all i can say is i'm soooo happy i have such awesome friends, all including my favs-lizzie pooh, dikey mikey, ali jackass, tushie jackass, jaymya, joho, billy, ryry, etc....no1 knows how much friends can make everything feel so much better, everything look so much better than it truely is. i dunno what i'd do w/out these people in my life-they all make me so happy being who i am. it's it's so reassuring knowing that none of them are into like drugs and alcohol and shit like that, def no pressure there. well lets see valentines day is tomorrow and i'm pretty sure ry still wants to be my valentine hehe, if not i shall bite him lol, yum yum j/p. omg nicole locher u lil whoer u bit me soo friggin hard again today!!! and i j/ want u to know that i'm really happy i have u to at least try and make me feel better botu who i am, hey maybe some day i will be able to stand infront of a mirror and look into it and say 'i'm so happy to be me and look the way i do' lolol, won't happen for a long time tho. and meg-i love you so much babes, if u lived here my life would be complete-u are such a great friend to me and i know that throughout the years we'll only grow closer, we mismo and ur the bestest....well i'm happy now so i'll end this here lol niteee
2/10/02
Hola all, well this weekend was oaky i guess. i hung out w/ keith and rob friday nite and that was lots of fun.....haha ring and run, mwhahaha.....and me mooning montawk highway-always a good thing lolol. well yesterday i was plannign on goign to the mall but that didn't work out, so instead i changed my room around and decided to clean it out, which now it's sunday nite 7 15 and i have yet to finish, it gets aggrivating after awhile, especially the clothes...like what to keep what to get rid of, ya know...since i'm all liek 'i gotta lose weight' i dunno how much i can lose.....hopefully 20-my goal....ahh i wish i didn't have this damn weight problem, onyl bitches get to be skinny it's not fair :( grrr i should get back to my room now before my parents get home-adioso all
2/4/02
yeah so i'm alright now lol, thanks scott for making fun of me :p u suck!!! i can't wait till u start losing ur hair, u and the bouncing boobies LOLOLOLOL alright so yeah wassup all, nuttin over here, i'm bored and i'm online right now *mooshcalu* do feel free to im on aim, i'm kool, as u already know. alright so yeah i'm bored, can u tell-i don't feel liek writing abotu everything i've been up too, it'll take me too long and i still gotta watch real world road rules challange haha i'm messed up, but hey it's all pure comedy since everyone is soo old now hehe. alrightyesterday was my ann, a year and a month now-didn't think that was possible for me. i mean come on, people do get tired of me and visa versa lol. but i love my ryry and he loves me too(he betta!!) lolol well yeah so people get on my nervesssss, but it's all good, cause i do the same and ahhh now scott has another journal entry he can make fun of...well at least i'm not 30 watching dawson's creek and still havign h.w ! so ha scotty boy ha!!! lol, luv ya ~! nite allssss
2/1/02
someone please tell me why i suck so much AHHH i hate feeling so many emotions, especailly since i'm a teen so it's probably even worse...i swear i am so stupid sometimes. it's j/ i dunno....i hate myself, okay this isn't helping bye
DaY BY DaY iN THe LiFe oF THe ORiGiNaL BRoWN eYeD GiRL
blahblahblah
1/27/01
yeah so i haven't written on her in a long time, probably cause midterms were last week and tripod is stinking and wouldn't let me work on my website cause it was goign really slow....newayzzz i want u to want me i need u to need meeeeeeee-listening to letters to cleo...ahh my finger hurts so i probably won't type to much today. yeah so midterms went pretty well i guess, thanks to mike i think i did really good on math, whcih i thought i would j/ fail, and psyc i did pretty good on and same w/ chem probably, english i did blah on and social studies too, i dunno all my grades yet, but hey it's all good. so life right now is very good...i miss my ryry tho, we get to hang out tomorrow tho so that'll def make me happy :) i'm all alone in this hotel roooooom lol, mest now-alright so yeah i have come to the conclusion that i have really awesome friends. liz jay mike lins ry meg jo-you guys really are the only people in this world that i truely can say i care sooo much about and i'll always be here for u. liz i dunno what i would do w/out u, u and meg are liek my 2 closest friends and i love you guys sooo much!! seriously though, everyone reading this, having friends especially great friends liek mine really can change your out look on life. and as for u ry, well w/out u half of me would be missing, i know that we been through soo much, but with each step we take together everything will always turn out alright b/c we will be there for eachother and knowing that really makes me love you more and more each day, i love you babe. okay well right now i'm talking to mike and dave online, well kinda i j/ keep checking if they wrote something as i write this hehe. miek you rock too, it's weird to think how close people can become in a few months, you're like another brother to me, but like one i like and got to choose lolol, i can trust u so much and don't worry we'll go out shopping for you know who soon ;) jay should come and help us hehe....alright well i am tired of typing and i'll try to write more-much love to all
1/4/02
Today was alright, tonite sucked. AFter school i went w/ my sister to my mom's work, cause i figured i wouldn't be doign nethign till later tonite, well after that me and my sister went to my aunts hosue hung out there and ate dinner over. came home to find out that ryan had beeped my a lot so i called him nd he wasn't home-he was supposed to be at his dad's, so i call his mom and she said he's at starbucks. my mom said that he also called adn said he'd be in town, so i then get a ride w/ my brio and a bucnh of his friends in town to starbucks. i get out of the car, run inside cause it's freakin freezing and learn that ryan isn't there...hmmm...so i brought myself a hot chocolate and sat there, waiting, thinkign to myself that he'd show up eventully, well i wainted almost 2 hours, walked around outside too during this time....never show up, call my bro no answer and i have no money left...alrigth then i go in the pizza joint and lil jimmy and jesse give me 2 quators, cause they rock.. called my bro left a message and then was forced to call my parents-dad picks me up. i then am so upset b/c i sat there for a long time and it j/ totally sucked seeign everyone havign such a good tiem and shit-i hatesd it, i came hoem cried and begged my dad to take me to the pool hall cause that's were all my friends are and they make me happy-he won't take me so now i'm sitting here upset while i listen to puddle of mudd b/c they now rock...oh and ryan u still make me sound liek a total bitch on ur website-alright well newayz i guess that's all for now, now i'm gonan go and feelbad for myself-nite all!
1/2/02
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! So i'm a day late it's all good. I'm online right now but no ones is really talking so i'm gonan write a lil while i listen to mest....so yeah christmas vacation was def awesome, even if it did have sum sucky parts, but that only had to do w/ a small part of vacation. argh u know what sucks tho, when it feels liek i care to much n a relationship. i try not to, bu ti can't help it, i think i gotta stop caring so much cause it's only messing me up and making me feel bad and blah i dunno....so yeah meg came down last week and i loved her being here, she puts me in asuch a good mood. i had a lotta fun this week w/ my meggie, lizzie pooh, dikey mikey, joho, and jaymya-we all know how to have a greeaaaatt time, how gay do i sound hahaha-okay well i don't wanna type nemor- adiosoososososo
12/29/01
So much has happened and it's only been 1 week off from school....my penpal meg has been and town and i'm so excited that she'll be here for new years eve!!!....i'm havign a lil party at my house w/ meg, liz, mike, jo, jay, ry, & lins-it's gonna be a blast, all of my fav people in this world. Today i went over liz's and hung out w/ her and mike which was kool :) but before i went there i went to pick up my guinea pigs antibotics....he got sick again.....and i'm sorry to say that he past away tonite around 1am.....he is however in a better place now where he feels no pain and can have as many girlie guineas that he wants...Isaac A.K.A Baby 4/1/00-12/29/01 R.I.P i'll this entry at that, much love to u all and good nite
12/26/01
Well christmas went pretty well, considering that we actually had it-families can be a bitch....alright well i got everythign i could have asked for which is also a good thing, cept it always makes me feel bad, it's liek there are so many pweople in the world who need simple things that i have everyday, do i really need all these cds and a new disc man, i dunno...blah.....well today was a lot of fun considering i didn't get to see ry or go to his gig tonite(no1 would drive me!!!) that really upset me, but then meg came over(we hung out the whoel day) and as usual she cheered me up eral quick and we then went to the movies w/ jo, liz, mike, & dave. We saw Ocean's 11, wasn't too bad cept me and meg were talkign tthe whoel time lol, meg farted too!!!! lol...but so did i LOL it was funny come on!!! alright well i shoudl get goign soon cause me and meg are goign out to get bagels early tomorrow morning, yum yum i could use a good bagel to put in my fat ass tummy lol-nite all, lots of love!!! and merry christmas!!!
12/20/01
Can somene please tell me where christmas is, funny how i totally jinxed myself w/ what i wrote before.....no one sees me, and i see everyone-i see into them and i listen to them, to how so many of them are complete idiots and obivious to what i can see in them, wile others are in pain and sit there wondering how they got stuck with being the one always shit upon....what is family newayz....
12/20/01
okay so today has been a lil better than the other days this week. it's be off for me, i've been so unhappy and i don't even know why-teenage life SUCKS...okay so i had like 3 tests today and 2 more tomorrow, and i failed one so far lol...what makes teachers give so many tests the 2 days before vacation(christmas is coming!!) teachers SUCK lol alright me and ryan have been iffy lately b/c i liek read into things to much and it seems liek he doesn;t even care, but i know he does-he j/ has a better way of blocking out his feelings and shit-which isn't always good. you wanna know what i learned recently, i love my friends, like they rock b/c they can make me sooo happy and laugh and stuff. like my lizzie pooh, jaymya, joho, dikey mikey and linssss, allie my math buddy and tash*what u looking at* *somethign UGLY* LOL and allie 'knock knock' 'who's there' 'book' 'book who' 'i'm gonna hit u over the head with a book herherher'
LOLOLOL okay so my penpal meg is comign this week!! or she better be comign this week, i gotta find a guy for her to fuck-lol, j/k, but she does need and want some ass, so send ur applications this way mwhahahaha-okay that's enough for now-love u all!!! byebyes asta pasta
12/17/01
lalalalalla
12/16/o1
tripod is a lil bitch lol, i couldn't update my site for a few days cause it was going really slow, but it's all good now....alright well right now i'm at a point of calmness i finished my essay and my group project that i'm doing in history is almost done, nothing much left to do, oh and my christmas shopping is almost done too-which is def a good thing. but u wanna know somethign that sux, guys. okay no offense to some, but why are they so blind and why do us girls care too much bout that kinda of stuff. AHHHHHHHH guyz suck!!
12/9/01
AHHHHHHHHHH
12/6/01
my pen pal meg and an awesome gal at that, has brought it to my attention that i haven't changed my website in awhile, other than the pics, so here's a journal entry :) okay well i j/ learned that i'm goign to nj during the summer to stay w/ meggie for awhile YAY!!! i can't wait, but i have to :( okay going on, on monday it was me and ry's 11th month anniversary, i can't belive it, long time and i'm still so much in love w/ him. i wrote a bunch on new poems today, in chem class, sum peopel in there piss me off haha, okay and i love u liz!! big shout out to her!! lol jo and jaymya!! i wub u tooo and mikeyyyyy LOL, and lins, get over me thrwoing food at u dammit, lol, j/k love u!!!! oh j/ so much love!! ahhhhh i don't feel liek typing here right now, nothing new, check out the pics section, tons there, i'll label them all sooner or later!! promise!!! love you all who come to visit my site :) adioso potatoes!!
10/24/01
Why do people find the need to make comments when they aren't wanted.
10/30/01
tomorrow is halloweenie!! i dunno what i'm gonna dress up as...hmmmm.....yeah so what if i'm 16 i still enjoy the happiness of dressing like a total spaz or freak on halloweenie, is one of my fav holidays. :) well it'll be interesting no matter what. so yeah life has been good lately, i have my friends, i have my parties, i have my awesome b/f, and i have my ss project due next monday grrrrr.....well enough said there hehe. okay these r the peopel i love right now-not in any specific order :)
1. ry 2. jaymie 3. liz 4. liz 5. meg 6. jo 7. marissa (if i forgot u sorry) there's more but those r my good friends who i love as of right now hehe-oh and you all have to check out my shout outs page :) august something, i think maybe there 7th 2001 lol
so everything is kool now w/ people-after my last entry u can tell that i was j/ letting off some steam b/c peopel hated me and stuff. i feel liek i'm starting to get a better hold onto my life and u know what, it feels dammmnnn good. it's like every since i stopped taking shit so much to heart, like i have always done, i have been so much happier since i loosed up and started acting liek a human being lol. i'm sure somethign will happen and i'll change my mind on opening up to people, but for now all i can say is....'it's all good'.....(knock on wood) hehe
july 30 2001
my whole life i have watched many of my friends slip away from me. some of which i have loved and others of which i had wished i never knew, because of all the pain they gave me. resently a good friend of mine, a friend i had once called my best friend decided that i wasn't good enough for her. she got this idea in her head that i was talkign behind her back, that i was being untrueful to her and she thought all this w/out ever talkign to me about it. she j/ told me i was a bitch adn that she only had 3 true friends, when in reality-they dont give a rats ass bout her adn who she is inside adn not the role she shows everyone on the outside. the role that everyone lieks to refer to as a 'sometimes in a good mood, but mostly BITCH' this so called 'friend' of mine accused me of all this false BULLSHIT. i helped you out w/ so many hard times my once called best friend, why can you j/ dump me out in the trash!! was it b/c i wouldn't kiss you ASS or WORSHIP the ground YOU walk on. i thought best friends or even j/ friends for that matter didn't have to do that, but i guess i was wrong, i thought i knew u and that u knew me.....but one thing is for sure nicole, u sure as hell don't know me and i suppose i sure as hell don't know you either.
july 15th 2001
It always seems that i tell myself to do something, but i never actually do it. such as writing on my site everyday adn fixing it up. It could be that i'm lazy, which i can be a lot, or that i really dunno write to write....cause there are a lot of things that i'd want to say, except i don't want the whole world to know. I feel as if i'm on a show liek the movie "the truman show". i feel liek everyone knows something that i don't adn that i'm being watched and laught at from a distance, if not right close up to my face. No one can keep a secret these days it seems. It's liek if i tell someone something that is important to me, then they just have to go adn tell someone else and then it's liek playign the damn phone game. the something i had told that person somehow got totally changed up and i look liek this awful person. and there is no way i can fix it. people only hear and see what they want to hear and see. Like if u see a young group of kids drinking or party you think they are bad kids, but in reality they could just want somethign to do, they might not be such bad kids. Or if you see a teenage couple making out on the streets, you might think the girls a slut or something...when in reality they are both in love and although you might not want to see the making out in public, you also don't have to look. a person can be crying.....and you won't bother to ask them what is wrong.....does that make you a bad person because you don't care or maybe you don't want to interfer. i know what i'm saying might not make any sense to all those who read it, because i might even be talkign jibbericious or however you spell it. i know i change topics when i write or talk to a person for the matter. it's just because i have so much to say. Do any of you believe in a thing called soul mates, or true love. what about love at first site. i dunno what to believe in anymore. love at first site is so not possible, you can't truely love someone unless you knwo them, if you see someone and you think that they are just so gorgous and shit, you are just seeing one side of them and that isn't love. my whole life i couldn't wait to have someone love me, i thought i'd feel liek i was the most important thing in the world. I thought that if i had someone love me that i'd be happy forever. but that's not true, at least not for me. love has it's hard times, and it does hurt you. i know personally that i've cried myself to sleep many times because i was in love, but i wasn't sure if he felt the same. sometimes i still question it. he can tell me 200 million times, but i still question it and in a way i feel liek i might loss this something if i don't wake up and realize that he does really care for me, that i'm not an awful person and now that i got this love that i can do anythign adn everything, because either way i go, i will always have him with me, by my side, lovign me every step of the way.....but some how i can't, not j/ yet....grrr i g2g more lata of course
Still July 5th 2001
j/ came back from ryan's awhile ago, it sux that my dad had to pick me up at 9 30, damn parents go to bed at 10 now grrrr....well yeah in my last entry i was talking bout what i have been up to, so i shall keep going....well lets see i think i was up to sunday, but i can't really remember what i did that day i think that's when i got into trouble w/ my parents cause i was late getting into the car from ryan's house, yeah that's what i think....no wait, that was monday nite sorry haha, tuesday was my 6 months anniversary w/ ryan, we went into port jeff w/ ryan and his mom and bro and sis and his moms friend and his sis's friend, ryan took me out to dinner and bought me a italian ice and we walked around lookin gin every store for a mothers day present for his mom, yeah so it's a lil late, but it's all good. Then wednesday was the 4th of july, i once again hung out w/ ryan(i don't really ever get tired of him, lol, i'm sure it's different for him tho)i went w/ him, his dad and his other bro and sis to his aunts awesome house out in huntington, it was really pretty there and we watched da firecrackers and shit nag, it was all in all a great day. mostly cause i was w/ my man :) today i j/ hung out at home adn my dad paid me 3 bucks to type this thing up for him on the computer haha i'm damn good at raising his price hehehe and tonite i hung out w/ ryan and had fun there too...oh young love haha-adios for now :p
July 5th 2001
Everyone keeps telling me to update my page, but what exactly am i supposed to update it with, i'm sure u people could care less bout my life adn stuff....lol, i do however have a new fav quote "if i told you it was killin gme.....would you stop?" thanks for that lins lol sorry for copying you, but hey alls fair in love and quotes :) summers going alright, liana's party on saturday was kool, she has a great pool, there was good food, some kool people lol, like these kool new people i met, emily, rebecca, and vincent. they were groovy and saved me from annoying people, who shall remain nameless. Dana's party on friday started off bad and then got kool, once me adn krystal found the message board adn got down w/ our perverted writing skills hahaha. charles angel's movie sucked except for some parts and bring it on, was well i think a silly cheerleader movie haha. monday i worked adn that was interesting adn then i went over to ryan's house and gave him his present, grr i g2g and eat dinner more later.
ThIs Is My LiFE
JUNE 26TH
nothing seems to be the same nemore. life has changed completely and turned back right side up once more. sure there are a bunch of things i have to deal with right now-but mostly it's all good. i am having one big difficulty in my life as of right now however.....it has to do with a friend of mine. we've been friends for almost our whole lives and right now we j/ aren't talking, and everyone around me seems to think that it's such an awful thing....when i myself do not. Everyone seems to know one side of the story or the other, but not both adn then they butt their lil noses into our business, if we wanted to talk we would, how cme no 1 can understand that. must i always look liek the bad guy,, cause it gets old after a while to be known as this awful person who is a bitch and yada yada yada, u know?? It really pisses me off.
JUNE 8TH 2001
LAST DAY OF SCHOOL!!! WOO HOO... I worked today and got 42 bucks, YEAH!! I never wrote but other stuff that has happened in the past week so I will do so now. Well on wednesday I worked to, my awesome b/f Ryan gave me flowers at work, he is sooo sweet!! Today i had my bio final, it wasn't to hard and tonite i'll probably not gonna do nethign cause I think I need to have some time to myself. I might actually change my room around,cause I haven't done that in a while. Well I guess this is when I say ADIOS and that I'll "write more lata" BYEBYES
JUNE 4TH 2001
I'm changing and no one can help me, and I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing......I feel like everyone and everythign in my life is blowing away, everything i held onto for so long.
JUNE 3RD 2001
Today I had a BBQ at my house, it was alright I guess. My b/f Ryan came over to keep me company which was kool. Today is also our 5 month anniversary!! YAY!! Lol. isn't a person allowed to be happy bout that :) other than that nothings new. Tomorrow is the last monday of the school year before regents and finals and it's also a week before i go to the OUR LADY PEACE concert-thanks to my awesome b/f ryan who surprised me w/ the tickets. :) My very fist concert!! well i guess i should start my homework now, since it'll take me a thousand hours to do grrrr ~adios~
yo yo yo
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i'm just your average 17 year old senior with her parents divorcin n' her father changin his life style completely....i look at myself n' see fatness and insecurities galor.....be my friend?? lol
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